Wellbeing Today

Wellbeing Today

Terrigal Counselling


This is your opportunity to navigate through life's challenges with clarity and purpose, guided by a solution-focused approach tailored specifically to your needs as a man navigating the realms of career, self-esteem, fatherhood, and relationships.

Title: Unraveling Relationship Destructiveness: Insights from Gottman's Studies (part 2)

The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic:

Gottman's research sheds light on the dynamic interplay between pursuers and distancers within relationships. Pursuers seek closeness and connection, often pursuing their partners for reassurance and validation. In contrast, distancers may withdraw or retreat in the face of perceived pressure or criticism. This pattern can create a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal, exacerbating feelings of insecurity and resentment.

Failed Repair Attempts and Emotional Disengagement:

In healthy relationships, partners utilise repair attempts to de-escalate conflicts and reconnect emotionally. However, Gottman's research highlights that failed repair attempts, such as sarcasm or dismissal, can deepen emotional wounds and foster emotional disengagement. Over time, this erosion of emotional connection can lead to a sense of loneliness and detachment within the relationship.

The Influence of Contempt and Bids for Connection:

Contempt, characterised by disrespect and disdain, is a potent predictor of relationship dissolution. Partners who express contempt towards each other are more likely to experience escalating conflicts and emotional distance. Conversely, bids for connection, small gestures or expressions of affection, play a crucial role in fostering intimacy and strengthening the bond between partners.

The Impact of Criticism and Defensiveness on Communication:

Gottman's research underscores the detrimental effects of criticism and defensiveness on communication patterns within relationships. Criticism undermines the foundation of respect and empathy, while defensiveness impedes the ability to take responsibility and seek understanding. These patterns inhibit constructive dialogue and perpetuate cycles of conflict and disconnection.

Gottman's studies offer valuable insights into the destructive behaviors that can undermine the fabric of intimate relationships. By recognising and addressing these patterns, couples can cultivate healthier communication patterns, foster emotional connection, and build resilience in the face of adversity. Through intentional effort and commitment to growth, couples can navigate the complexities of partnership with greater understanding and compassion.

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Unraveling Relationship Destructiveness: Insights from Gottman's Studies

In the intricate dance of love and partnership, couples often find themselves navigating through challenging terrain. However, some behaviors can erode the very foundation of a relationship, leading to distress and disconnection. Drawing insights from the extensive research of Dr. John Gottman, renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, we delve into the ways couples behave destructively towards their relationship.

1. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:

Gottman's seminal work introduced the concept of "The Four Horsemen" – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling – as corrosive patterns that predict relationship demise. Criticism involves attacking one's partner's character, while contempt manifests as disdain and disrespect. Defensiveness serves as a protective barrier, hindering constructive communication, while stonewalling represents emotional withdrawal and shutdown.

2. Escalation and Gridlock:

Couples may find themselves trapped in cycles of escalating conflict, where minor disagreements snowball into heated arguments. Gottman's research emphasizes that the inability to resolve perpetual issues can lead to gridlock, fostering resentment and emotional distance. Instead of addressing underlying concerns, partners may resort to blame and resentment, exacerbating the rift between them.

3. Emotional Flooding and Negative Sentiment Override:

When conflicts arise, individuals may experience emotional flooding, characterized by a heightened state of physiological arousal. This overwhelms the capacity for rational thought and empathy, leading to reactive responses and further escalation. Negative sentiment override occurs when positive interactions are overshadowed by a pervasive negativity bias, eroding the foundation of trust and intimacy.

Tomorrow we'll explore the remainder of this study.

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Prioritise Your Wellbeing

Taking care of your mental health is essential for living a fulfilling life. One valuable way to do this is through regular self-assessment and wellbeing check-ups with a counsellor.

The Kessler Psychological Distress Scale is a standard tool used to assess psychological distress levels. It's a simple yet effective way to gauge how you're feeling and identify areas that may need attention. Best of all, you can use it for free at https://terrigalcounselling.com/counsel/stress

By regularly checking in with yourself and seeking support when needed, you're taking proactive steps towards better mental health. Remember, prioritising your wellbeing is not selfish – it's a necessary investment in yourself.


Unveiling Metacognitive Therapy (MCT)

Curious about Metacognitive Therapy (MCT)? Let's break it down in simple terms. MCT focuses on how we think about our thoughts – the "meta" level of thinking. Rather than delving into the content of thoughts, it explores our relationship with them and the patterns we create.

In counselling, MCT becomes a powerful tool. It helps individuals develop awareness of their thinking processes and break free from unhelpful thinking patterns. By understanding and changing the way we think about our thoughts, MCT empowers us to manage stress, anxiety, and emotional challenges more effectively.

Who might benefit from MCT? This approach is particularly beneficial for those stuck in repetitive negative thinking cycles, experiencing chronic worry, or struggling with overwhelming anxiety. If you find yourself caught in the web of overthinking and want to regain control over your thoughts, Metacognitive Therapy could be a game-changer.

Ready to untangle your thoughts? Explore the possibilities with Metacognitive Therapy and pave the way for a more balanced and mindful mindset.

Book your Counselling Session at https://terrigalcounselling.com



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